The Singularity Confliction

Being in a long term relationship (going on 15 years now) makes me think about what it would be like to be single. Pretty sure if I was single I would be wondering about what it would be like to be in a relationship. This is definitely a very typical human thing I think – you always wonder about that which you don’t have.

I have never been able to come to a firm conclusion about whether or not I’m a more solitary than social creature or the other way around. Then I worry if I’m starting to lean on the side of solitary then maybe I just don’t fully appreciate just how embedded into my life my nearest and dearest  to me are. I do sometimes feel a fleeting (so fleeting I blink and I miss it) concern that what I love most about the internet is the interaction I have with other people without actually having to expend any energy on the logisitics and the usual expected norms of in person behaviour. It doesn’t matter if my shirt has got some indeterminate looking stains on it, or if my hair looks frazzled, if I’m all sweaty from exercise, I don’t have to temper my reactions or facial expressions and school them in to more moderate and acceptable responses.

The nice thing about being in a relationship with someone, knowing someone so well and having them know you so well is that none of those things are given any thought. Most of the time. I probably do need to qualify that statement. Nobody ever really reveals absolutely everything to their other half do they? And I’m not talking the mundane like maybe you made a purchase that you didn’t tell them about the cost of, or you said you used a certain ingredient when actually you totally forgot but it still tastes just fine anyway, or that really you have no idea how the bumper on your car came to be like that or yes of course you checked the to see if those plants needed watering. I’m not counting the daily stuff that we perhaps gloss over in order to keep things smooth. I’m talking the thoughts in your head. There’s a reason why we haven’t evolved into a race of mind readers. We are not meant to hear and know every single thought in someone else’s head. Can you imagine what would happen if you shared everything you thought about with your nearest and dearest (whether they be family or a significant other)…chaos and bedlam and anarchy and that’s just the shopping centres. So yes I’m curious to know if there are any relationships out there that are just that open the people in them feel free enough to share every single thought. Or is that only on TV?



One comment

  1. My husband and I have been together for 20 years this year. We have been going through some major rough times the last few (family deaths, job losses-still looking-parental and sibling crises, etc., you know, family angst) and we are, needless to say, stressed. We are slightly incompatible from the point of view that I badly need to talk out the bad stuff and he badly needs to not hear about it. So yes, there are definitely thoughts that are not shared between the two of us. I have been struggling lately with the whole ‘taken for granted’ thing. Usually that has a negative connotation, but the thought has occurred to me that ‘taken for granted’ can also mean ‘trust in the foundation of the relationship’. Part of that foundation, at least for my husband and myself, is knowing when to share and knowing when NOT to share. So yes, I think that totally ‘open relationships’ only happen on (badly written) tv shows.

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